Good-Bye, My Faithful Friend
It is with a very sad and heavy heart that I find myself having to type this letter. On November 18th, 2008, I lost my beloved dog and friend, Keesha Baby. I can say that I was so lucky to have been blessed to have her for so many years. She lived to be 17 and she was my companion for 15 of those years.
Keesha lived her life to the very end with love, energy and never once did she seem to complain. She was the happiest, most laid-back dog I have ever owned.
It's weird because that morning everything was fine. She awoke happy, went outside to potty, then she came in for a treat (I even gave her a little left over cake from our son's birthday that I was throwing away). Keesha loved her sweets and frosting was one of her favorites. I left for school that morning, giving her a quick pat, not thinking this would be the last time I would see her as herself.
That afternoon when my son and I got home from school, I opened the dog room and saw she was not there. I went outside to their dog pen and found her curled up in a ball, barely alive... her body already in shut down mode, her head was shaking slightly.
I picked her up and her entire body fell limp. She had messed all over herself, so I took my gentle angel into my arms and right away took her into the shower and bathed her. Keesha just laid there in the warm soothing water allowing me to clean her up.
Then I wrapped my baby in a towel and that is when she started to take very long, deep breaths... very slowly getting further apart. I just kissed her head and told her she was beautiful and that I loved her so much. I cried and cried as I watched her eyes fixate on me and begin to glaze over.
I took my fingers and found that one magic spot in her ear where she loved to be petted. Keesha blinked her eyes once more... then, she let a great big sigh... and died, there in my arms, with a loving smile on her face.
My sweet baby slipped away from this world so peacefully, not in pain, just in this calm serene of beauty, just like her own beautiful soul was. I just held her in my arms, stroking her beautiful, soft fluffy fur, kissing her and telling her just how much I am going to miss her.
Even though my heart is filled with pain, I know just how blessed I was today. My baby girl waited for her daddy to come home before she left this Earth. She allowed me this memory to cherish forever... holding her in my arms and saying goodbye.
I can tell you, I didn't sleep well at all the first night... woke up at 3am reliving everything that day, watching Keesha take her last breath... every time I closed my eyes, I would see her face, hear that last breath... then in the morning, I was still a wreck... cried with my students, cried with some of my fellow teachers... cried basically most of the day...
We had errands to run after school with my partner, Leo, but when it got to be 4:50, I was like, "No, Leo I need to go, I want to be home if possible, or on my way home by 5:30pm... I don't want to be around the public when the 24 hour time after she died last night comes."
He understood and I took our Jacob with me... but I didn't make it home in time, instead, between the times when I held her in the towel and when she passed away, there were 3 back-to-back songs on the radio that I really love and right at the time she died, the lyrics were, "When I lay here, when I just lay, will lay with me and just forget the world..." and then it said, "Show me a garden that bursting into life".
These were all touching because, that is what I was doing when she died, I just laid there with her and forgot about the world around us and just shared in that last touching moment together... it's like she could have sung the lyrics to me... like she had waited for me to come home before she was ready to pass because she needed me there and knew I needed to be there as well... and then "show me a garden bursting that's into life..." in reference to what I plan on doing with her ashes when I get them...
I just cried and cried driving home... in this sweet happy way, laughing at her little message to me... it all made sense and in some weird way it was as if she and the Universe let me know "thank you" for laying with her and that she was now okay...
Some people who aren't animals lovers will say, "But she was just a dog...they died...get over it." But I say to them that they are so much more than 'just dogs," they are unconditional loving souls... the mini-angels of this world... who remind us to stop all the craziness and just enjoy life...
My Keesha was so, so special to me... she was with me starting in Macomb, Illinois, during my undergraduate years, as I first learn about love as an adult and had to navigate thru the crazy journey of finding myself... she was there, never judging me as I found my own identity... When I went to New York, really being on my own for the first time, as a way I forced myself to heal from the pains of a heartbreaking ending to a relationship... she was there and let me cry with her... When I reached my late 20's and changed careers more times than I changed my underwear... she was there, never scolding me or wondering, "When he is going to get it right?" When I reach my 30's and found my true calling in life as a teacher and started learning how to gently lead and love the new generations...she was there never complaining that I had to be gone for this meeting and that meeting, just always welcoming me home with her wagging tail...
And when she started to show signs of getting older and needed me to walk just a little bit slower on our walks... I was there for her, slowing down and enjoying watching her take in the world... When she began loosing her teeth and needed softer food...I was there providing nourishment... when she nearly lost her hearing and would only respond with claps and sign language... I was there guiding her with gentle hands...When she slipped away from this world, taking her last breath... I was there, sharing in that beautiful moment... saying goodbye to my very dear friend... we were there for each for 15 years...
I lost one of the sweetest little souls I have ever known. She taught me that life is too short, break the rules and jump on the furniture, forgive quickly, kiss slowly and sloppily when you're giving puppy kisses, love truly and unconditionally, laugh and wag your tail uncontrollably, and never, ever, regret anything that made you smile... especially treats!
Keesha will be greatly missed but she'll live on in my heart forever. Goodbye, my faithful friend, my sweet baby...until we meet again on the other-side...
In sadness and awe...
Joplin Sell of High Rolls, NMKeesha was previously featured in a story called The Peekaboo Dog